shadow work and what does it takes to be 100% self-responsible


Energies of abuse, addiction, betrayal, violence, poverty, illness and abandonment are flooding our collective awareness. Our fractured society and collective shadows are finding ways into our personal space and family lives, be it through climate changes, devastating news, global pandemic, close encounters.

“Reports of suffering are upsetting, but it’s a mistake to think we can do nothing about it. Many problems we face are of our own making. Since we are social animals who need friends, the least we can do is smile and respond to others warm-heartedly… that will make a difference.”

– Dalai Lama

On this level of human consciousness, there is no other way to transform the shadow but to bring it on the surface and expose it to the Light. Energies of shadow that are entering our awareness, are given, and we can only transform them by higher states of consciousness and deep emotional-energetic work.

In order to heal, the dark and the painful has to be exposed to the light of awareness, the yellow warmth of human Love and conscious choice that we are in for

It’s difficult to deny that vast parts of the human psyche need healing. Yet, there are still people, even so-called “spiritual” mentors, and teachers, who are saying:

“We don’t need healing or to fix anything. We’ve never been broken.” 

I find this kind of thinking ungrounded and delusional; it’s misleading and ignorant at least, and dangerous at worst. Among others, it’s reflecting a lack of knowledge about how human psyche functions and it mirrors the dynamic of emotional denial. I mean, for fuck’s sake, humanity lives agonising times. Just too many children and people and animals are hurt, confused and scared, dying. They’re without basic safety, not to even mention work and finances. Too many have limited access to clean water, education, or health system. So many people live in worlds without respect, basic human value, hope, future.

Sometimes, it feels to me like Earth herself is subsiding, under all this fear and mindlessness, residing all around the globe. What is happening is calling many of us to reflect our own level of responsibility. And there is no other way but for each of us to respond to this collective reality in a completely individual way, first.


We need to make much-needed changes from the individual level up and on the broader level of the system. I believe there are people who are completely open to participate in extraverted macro-revolutions, and there are also many of us, who are born for introverted micro-revolutions. Our silent inner work is our contribution to the much-needed change in this world. When we are facing our wounds, pains, conflicts, courageously, and intentionally and lovingly transmuting them into Divine Love, Compassion, Wisdom… we are raising the awareness on this planet. Each time we sit in meditation or prayer, un-perfect and unscripted, or when we choose to care for ourselves instead of denying our true needs and soulful desires, or when we change habitual thoughts of self-denial and self-contempt with the slightest attempt of radical acceptance, we are somehow influencing the positive changes in the collective field of humanity and the energetic grid of our Mother Earth.

We’re doing it one step at a time, creating a possibility of a different kind of future… for the next generations to come.

I just wanna say, we all sit together, as we all stand together, each in our own ways, silent and loud.


I guess the most important aspect of contributing to change is the continuous act of healing of our victim’s archetype. The victim archetype is part of our psyche that has a strong alliance with the energies of repression, oppression, feeling of powerless, and lack. Our victim archetype is fairly hidden, living in the shadow parts of Psyche.

Shadow consists of unowned and disowned energetic patterns, existing on body, emotional and mental level. It’s created from everything we don’t want to remember, get aware of, not even notice.

“Victim” archetype is a state of body-mind that is tightly linked to the hidden rejection of taking complete responsibility for our own lives. Its existence thrives on a belief that we are actually not as responsible as we are, for all that is happening in our lives. After all, how can someone be responsible for the abuse, abandonment, poverty, lack of clean water, illness, climate change?

Let get this clear.

Being completely responsible for our own energy – or life, if you want, because our vital energy is our life – it means we are proactively following our own role, our own influence in any and all interactions with the world around us, with the highest level of awareness we have. 

Being 100% responsible is an ability and willingness to take a fair look inside oneself. What is my part in what is happening? Where do I participate? therefore, how can I be the change I want to see in the world?

Being completely responsible never-ever includes blaming ourselves for the stupidity or horrors of other human beings, who are inflicting pain to us or anyone else. But it does mean, as Gandhi said:

“ All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our bodies. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.” *


A very important aspect of being completely responsible for oneself is our humble willingness to let go of secret feelings of entitlement. Because when we are over-identified with energies of the inner victim, engulfed with a victim mentality, we also thrive on unconscious convictions about how entitled we are because of our past or current, typically childhood deprivation.

Don’t get me wrong. Our past and current deprivations are completely real. I’ve never made up that I’ve been emotionally abused as a child, and she never made up she’s been sexually abused, and truth is, our neighbors are living with a minimum wage for years now.

Being immersed with the energies of the Victim is on the first level about believing that something inside of us is seriously wrong. Like, deeply wrong… and will not get any better, because there is no way to fix that “fault”. It is a mix of fear and toxic shame and mindset that is stating: “There is no chance I will ever get better and ever get what I need or desire.

Subtle energy, running behind the energy of the victim, is an unconscious wish to Die. When exploring my own inner parts, and working with people in therapy that we’re able to access this inner part, I came to the conclusion this wish to Die is what the victim’s inner part deep down feels. It is an extremely powerful energy of resistance, fuelled by deep rage and contempt, dense and powerful, but basically – it is just an energy. When we know how to use it, it will become a beacon of light and a portal to deep healing.

What I see is, this shadow energy is often gathered through lifetimes, over generations. It could be our mother’s mother’s guilt and shame, and, naturally, even deeper. See, for centuries humans were living in an unequal society and there are many, many traces of memory embedded in our energy fields, telling the stories about victims and predators, power, and disempowerment. Our collective field holds those experiences – until released. Any release starts with gaining consciousness.  Any problem-solving starts with an understanding of what is going on. So, in order to heal, we need to admit ourselves to those shadows and victim parts. And we need to go into the shadows with love and compassion.

We need to love the unlovable in us, the unthinkable, and all that we perceive as completely wrong.


When we are over-identified with the energy of the Victim archetype, we feel powerless, miserable, sick, and stuck. We want to give up all and vanish, kind of leave “it all behind”. Psychotherapist’s advice here is, when feeling like that, we never-ever should buy into the overwhelming emotional reality, as we shouldn’t make any emotional decisions based on it. What we need to do instead is, we need to check-in into our inner work:

  • distance ourselves from believing into (our own) negativity,
  • protect ourselves from acting it out,
  • go deeper into negativity in a conscious way – emotionally, mentally, spiritually,
  • get aware of projections we might be running in alignment to the negativity,
  • own possible projections,
  • taking our victim archetype / inner part by the hand, admitting it, taking it out of the basement or closet,
  • exposing her to the light of our consciousness and replace ego truth with a higher truth.

If we cannot do all this alone, and we are losing ourselves in circles, finding a trusted mentor – the therapist skilled in shadow work is always a wise option. We should dissolve energies of our shadow with care and compassion of our mature, impeccable Ego, which is the adult inner part in us that is able to adjust to reality and modify it, and knows “how things are”, and is able to serve through Love and Light.

Truth is, we all need more love. Humanity and the world like it are, it needs you, me, and a gazillion other people, immersing themselves in extraverted macro-revolutions and introverted micro-evolutions.

Things were broken and nothing can fix them but the infinite flux of warm, yellow-golden human Love.

In this process, we sit and stand together.


In a nutshell

Being 100% responsible is a willingness and ability to look inside of yourself. Among others, it includes letting go of secret feelings of entitlement. The more you identify with the Victim part inside, the more entitled you feel you are – secretly. Stop bitching. Stop with negativity. Get aware of projections. Dissolve the shadow. And trust you are lovable exactly as you are!