woman, don’t ever settle for lack


Women crave emotional and sexual intimacy. Women need to be seen, recognised, respected and taken care of. Women need to feel deeply, and sense the lust, the love, the luscious. Women thrive when they have all of this, as, in parallel, they get cold and dry, nasty bitchy prunes, emotional flat-lines… without.

Emotional and sexual and spiritual intimacy, it’s quite a complex affair. 

It’s about delicate dance of closeness and distance, of Soul and flesh. And it’s just all about communication. It’s completely natural, and yet, it can become so frustrating, so complicated, so mind-fucked, even addicting. Yet real intimacy, it has nothing to do with us either being dependant on our partners, let alone addicted. In its core, intimacy is about deep, everlasting natural need that needs to be respected, which sadly is often not the case.

In my therapy space, WE meet WITH many women ashamed of sincere need for emotional, sexual, spiritual intimacy.

Too many women are married – while not having fulfilling sex for ages. Too many women in their juicy 30′ and 40’s and +50’s, are single, seemingly unable to find a loving, committed partner, employing a range of defence mechanisms like “well, I’ve never been sexual anyway“…. as if sexuality is not organic, relevant, the most natural of all?

As far as I am concerned, just too many women live 3, 5, 10, 15, even 25+ years into a relationship, and they simply end up living as roommates in emotional spaces without any meaningful recognition. They become guardians of houses full of stuck coldness and distance, resembling… museums.

Women seem trapped in the emptiness plagued with the desire that cannot breathe, penetrate, grow, live.

Women are compromising intimacy, self-sabotaging themselves. This female commitment to lack seems to be epidemical and one of the societies best-kept secrets. We are having difficulties talking about it, taking responsibility for it and transforming bitter parts of our precious lives.

It’s an issue charged with shame, guilt, disgust, rage and centuries of patriarchal oppression.

But you know what I think?

We’re here to change that. We are here to be emotional. We are here to be sexual. We are here to have deep, fulfilling relationships. We are here to respect and trust our bodies and souls, genuinely.

Sexuality, it’s imperative to intimacy. In its pure essence, sexuality is a sacred medicine and misused, it becomes poisonous, ripping women from dignity, trust, comfort, respect. Sexuality is not bound up to the sexual act, sexual experience, sexual union. Sexuality is a force that is the vibrational foundation of our existence, and something we need to handle with care and extremely consciously .

When we close our eyes, and we imagine the area of Infinite Light surrounding us? We actually see into the force that is sexuality. And we can as easily call it God, or Spirit, or Divine, Universe or Life Force. Sexuality is the liquid organic light, weaving the field of all there is, like

our cells,
entire body,
our psyche,
our mind,
our Souls,
this river and the sea and the woods,
our community,
living, dead and unborn,
the System.

From an in-depth feminine perspective, which I’m trying to bring even closer to you, this Force of all forces is not only saturatedwith sexuality, but it’s sexuality per se. Because it brings creation, which is birth, ascension, descent, death, rebirth.

Another cookie for thought. Setting ourselves for deep and real sexual and emotional and spiritual intimacy in the 21st century, it is actually a radical move away from the societal approved ways of living. It’s an act of resistance. Because we all live in a culture overwhelmed by structures that are generic and demanded by masses – like: strategies, stereotypically prescribing how many times per day we should eat, what kind of food, how many times we should exercise, have sex, call friends, cuddle the kid – or not? When should we celebrate, get married, leave the corporate job, have those retiring funds, and how?

Everyone seems to have a solution for our issues and challenges.

Rarely anyone get it that we all need to find our own.

Leaving societal approved ways of living is about leaping. It’s demanding; gravity of the collective is not merciful. Rarely anyone enjoys this resistance, and even if we learn to, in our bones we always sense this threat of error. It’s difficult to feel safe while jumping, leaping, leaving for the unknown. Even for adrenalin junkies, leaping is risky, and ambivalent kind of business.

Abandoning any kind of socially reinforced structures, we need to be ready to travel through layers of fear, terror, guilt, shame, and disgust, one of the many guardians of the fear-based paradigm.

Voyage of soulful life is, at first, a serious emotional rollercoaster; we need to be equipped for it. 

Many want to live fully. It’s a mantra, a magical longing of many: to live fully, authentic, happy if you prefer. Because by default and demand, this all comes hand in hand with emotional and sexual fulfilment. And even though many people want this kind of “authentic” life, not so many are eventually ready to learn how to fly. Like… really fucking fly: embody the world out of world of ordinary mind, and consensus reality.

In order to do all this, we need to dare:

to go,
take charge,
fuck them all.

And expect we will get paralysed, trapped in trauma from the past that is playing out unconsciously… to overcome it. 

We are not here to stop, give up, settle for less than deep down or in the middle of the night we feel we need.

We are here to master the life force within and without.

It belongs to us, it always has, for evermore. We need courage, persistence and lots of honesty, so we can build sacred life, our Divinity if you prefer. It is entirely possible, and often much more exciting than we’d expect. But it also demands a certain level of inner strength as it leads to freedom.

Freedom always comes with responsibility — neither is made for the fainthearted.

Getting back our emotionality and sexuality, our intimacy, it comes as we are. It comes in unpredictable ways, since we are wild creatures, over domesticated over centuries. It is a process.

Not very rational.
Often beyond verbal, unexplainable.

And, we need to sustain all this. Otherwise? We craft life of lost opportunities and deep regrets.

But we don’t want that, right.